Indexing Title: BDEVEZA’s Medical Anecdotal Report [05-2]
MAR Title : In God’s Time…..Not Mine
Date of Medical Observation : April 2002
In one’s lifetime, people come and go. People, who in their own ways, will make an impact in your life. There are those who will inspire and bring out the best in you while there are some who will challenge your limits and test your patience. Also, there are those who will cheer you up, even in the deepest moments of your life and still, there are some who just stay by your side, ready to help you whenever you will need them. But of the many people that come along the way, I would say that there is one person who would REALLY make the difference. SOMEONE who will forever leave a beautiful imprint in your life.
I grew up with my maternal grandmother, whom I call “nanay”. She was, in every little way, part of the years that I have gone through, from my nursery days until medicine school. During those times, we used to sleep together and once in a while, before we close our eyes, she would tell me stories about her experiences during the Japanese and American times. Nanay taught me a lot of things, from sewing and gardening to cooking and embutido-making. She taught me how to live by example, specially when dealing with people and how to be fair with them. I saw in her the true meaning of generosity. I would say that what I am now is partly because of her.
When I entered medicine proper, Nanay was the most excited because another doctor will emerge in the family. As early as 2nd year, she would address me as “Doctor”. Whenever a relative or friend visits her, she would tell them and insist that I be called as such. By the time I reached 3rd year, she was already thinking of my graduation, that she would be there to put the yellow cap on my head. She even planned of throwing a big party for me where she will cook all the food. But fate has its own calling. The inevitable came and all her aspirations went with the wind.
It was my last month of clerkship and my rotation was in Surgery. I was on duty when my mother called me and said that Nanay was not doing well. She vomited for several times and had high grade fever. I was surprised because she was doing fine when I left her. And so I told my mother to bring Nanay to the hospital. At the emergency room, I saw her vomiting billous material. Her sensorium changed and I could not talk to her anymore. At that time, a lot of things went running in my mind, but one question kept on pounding me, “WHY NOW?” After some time, we were able to stabilize her and so we brought her up in the room. Still, I can’t talk to her and she was just staring at me, as if she wants to say something. Moments later, she was gasping and so I decided to call for the medical resident. She was intubated and we were advised that she must be transferred to the ICU. I accompanied her until she was transferred to her bed, hoping and praying that everything will turn out fine when I leave that room. My mother advised me to return to my duty and she will just call me if anything happens. And so I went back, thinking of what possibly happened to Nanay. At that time, my four years in medicine was unable to give me the answer. Still, the big question kept on pounding my mind, “WHY NOW?” At around 6 a.m., I received a call from my mother. At first, she could not say anything and after several hellos, she simply said, “Wala na ang Nanay.” I asked permission from my residents and hurriedly, I ran to the ICU, but I was not able to see her anymore. All of these happened 8 days away from my graduation and 9 days away from Nanay’s 97th birthday.
Insights ( Discovery, Stimulus, Reinforcements / (Physical, Psychosocial, Ethical) :
Losing a love one, specially that one who is closest and dearest to you is never easy. It’s the LETTING GO part that is always the most difficult. Sometimes, we find ourselves asking God why He has to take them away from us. But who are we to question Him? We must realize that our ways are not His ways. We must not lean on our own understanding but rather we must put our trust in Him with all of our hearts. Our life time is short that is why we have to make the most out of it. Anything can happen, we just have to learn to accept it. There is time for everything and IN GOD’S TIME……everything is beautiful. Somehow, that answered my question.